Sex Therapy
Struggling With Your Sex Life?
Is a lack of sexual desire causing the intimate relationship with your partner to fizzle? Has sex been impacted by physical factors, such as Erectile Dysfunction (ED), vaginismus, low sexual desire, childbirth, etc.? Are you ready to improve the quality of your sexual relationship and restore the intimacy that’s been missing?
You might be overwhelmed with a busy lifestyle that, between work, kids, and other commitments, leaves you exhausted at the end of the day. When the opportunity for intimacy arises, maybe the last thing on your mind is sex. And even though you get along, you might feel more like roommates than intimate partners.
Embarrassment May Prevent You From Talking About It
If either you or your partner is dealing with sexual dysfunction, you might be embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it. Rather than confront what’s happening, you may avoid the bedroom and sidestep a direct conversation. Similarly, embarrassment could prevent you from expressing your sexual desires to your partner, leading to unsatisfying encounters.
When you’re not getting your needs met by your partner due to mismatched desires, you may turn to other alternatives—such as pornography or extramarital sex—to compensate. The fear and shame you feel around sex could be leading to addictive behavior you wish you could overcome.
You may wish you weren’t ashamed of your sexual desires and could be more honest with your partner about what you wanted. Or maybe you want to determine the underlying causes of sexual dysfunction and learn how to work around your physical limitations.
In therapy, you can explore the challenges you have with sex in a comfortable environment. Sex counseling allows you to confront what’s been holding you back and restore physical intimacy in your relationship.
Physical And Social Factors Can Contribute To Sexual Issues
Sexual dysfunction is more common than you may think. Statistics gathered by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have determined that “Sexual arousal disorders, including erectile dysfunction in men and female sexual arousal disorder in women, are found in 10-20 percent of the population.” [1]
However, many other factors can interfere with a healthy sex life. In addition to the stress that comes along with hectic lifestyles, health-related problems—such as high blood pressure, diabetes, and hormonal imbalance—can impact sexual function and desire. Additionally, the side effects of medications and treatments for chronic illnesses can lower our libido or prevent us from achieving orgasm.
Sex Is A Taboo Subject In Some Cultures
One reason African Americans, in particular, struggle with sexuality is because sex is a taboo topic in our culture. Many African American women enter adulthood uninformed about sex and without an understanding of their bodies and desires. The same holds true for those of us raised in highly religious households.
Our parents may have feared that if they talked to us about sex when we were younger, they were giving us permission to have it. Sadly, this misguided notion prevented many of us from receiving a basic education about sex, including consent and safe sex.
Now as adults, we are often crippled by shame surrounding sex. As women, we may be ashamed to admit to our partners how little we know about it. And for men with ED, we’re uncomfortable confiding in anyone because we’re embarrassed and were never told it was okay to be vulnerable.
Without the tools that address sexual intimacy and dysfunction that counseling offers, you might feel stuck and hopeless. But the good news is sex therapy can open the door to more pleasurable sex.
Therapy Can Help Restore A Satisfying Sex Life
Sex is an important component of any intimate relationship. We each deserve to feel satisfied and experience pleasure from our partners. Therapy gives you a safe space to learn more about your partner as well as yourself so you can improve sexual and emotional intimacy.
Partnering with a qualified sex therapist in counseling offers treatment for issues like female orgasmic disorder, erectile dysfunction, sexual trauma, and sex addiction. Regardless of what challenges you, in sex therapy, you can be vulnerable to discuss your fears, concerns, and desires.
What To Expect In Sex Therapy
Although sex therapy is usually attended by couples, we can also schedule individual sessions if desired. Before we get into the nitty-gritty of what brought you in, we will take our time getting to know each other. I like to find out what your day looks like from beginning to end and what brings you joy. We might also discuss your family of origin, particularly what your parent’s relationship was like.
Depending on your circumstances, we may first complete a thorough sex inventory and assessment to rule out medical concerns. If we suspect something physiological, I will refer you to your provider to establish a baseline of any physical issues impacting your libido or performance. Once we have identified your challenges, we will collaborate on a treatment plan and identify specific goals.
In addition to identifying your challenges, I like to focus on what is going well in your relationship and avoid using the word “problem.” In counseling, we may explore how your sex life is impacted by the mind-body connection, lack of sexual awareness, or the psychological issues that lie beneath the surface of sexual dysfunction. Increasing understanding can help you better distinguish between psychological, physical, and emotional issues.
Although ongoing sessions will be guided and structured by our treatment plan, we will alter course whenever something comes up along the way. This allows us to tackle issues as they arise without losing momentum.
How Sex Counseling For Couples Can Help Your Relationship
As much as physical health, your mental landscape can greatly influence sexual behavior and performance. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for erectile dysfunction and vaginismus can help identify and challenge your negative thoughts and beliefs about sex. Utilizing CBT techniques can help you change the narrative as well as expand your definition of what sex is.
Intertwined with sex and marriage counseling, I may incorporate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to help you build emotional intimacy and attune more deeply to bodily sensations. In addition, I may draw from Attachment and Narrative Therapy to address trauma or shame surrounding sex.
With support, education, and the proper tools, cultivating the sexual life you desire is possible. You can apply what you learn in sex therapy throughout your life, growing and healing together.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Sex Therapy Is Right For You …
What if I’m never able to increase my sex drive—is something wrong with me?
Sex is meant to be enjoyed, whether you desire it three times a week or once per month. Telling yourself that something is wrong just because your sex drive isn’t as strong as your partner’s only serves to detract from the pleasure you should be focusing on. There’s no reason you should sacrifice who you are and what you’re comfortable with to achieve a “healthy” sex life. After all, sex is a subjective experience and shouldn’t be judged by an arbitrary standard.
I tried medication for erectile dysfunction but it didn’t work—can counseling help?
Prescribed medication only focuses on the physiological aspects of ED. However, ED often results from anxiety surrounding sex that medication doesn’t address. To understand the underlying reasons for ED, you need to explore your thoughts and feelings surrounding sex. What are you stressed about? Are you fully present while engaged in sex, or does your mind wander? Working with a sex therapist can help you determine how to eliminate stress and restore sexual satisfaction.
How can therapy help our relationship work if we each have different sex drives?
Just because each of you desires sex more or less frequently, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a fulfilling sex life. In sexuality counseling, we can talk about your past experiences and explore the way each of you views sex and desire. It’s also helpful to remember that sexual arousal and sensuality can take many different forms. Traditional penetrative sex is only one variation.
Don’t Let Your Sex Life Fade Away
No matter the setback you’re facing, you can restore intimacy in your relationship. If you would like to find out more about sex therapy with Lavender Healing Center, please visit our contact page to schedule a free consultation.
[1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11122954/#: