When You’re Left to Pick Up the Pieces: Navigating Life After Your Spouse Commits Suicide.

If you or someone you know is struggling to cope with the aftermath of a suicide, please know that you are not alone. In the US, suicide ranks as the 12th most common cause of death. It's the number-four killer of teenagers anywhere between the ages of 15 and 19 in the world. Recent official estimates put the number of suicides in the United States at about 46,000 per year. Another 1.2 million people have tried to kill themselves, and more than 3.2 million have planned to do so at some point. More than 50% of all suicides involve the use of firearms, and there are approximately twice as many suicide deaths as homicide deaths. Suicide is a surprising, terrible, and potentially catastrophic way to lose a loved one.

Every single individual who takes their own life leaves behind an average of six to ten living “survivors”. A spouse, parent, child, grandchild, or other family members may be left behind to cope with the consequences of suicide. When one partner commits suicide, it can be very hard on the other, especially if the person who died was a loving partner and the main source of income for the family.

How does it feel when someone you love dies by suicide?

Couples often split household chores and financial responsibilities. It can be hard to take care of your or their family while grieving the sudden loss of financial support, intimacy, and emotional connection that a spouse provides. The next common thing is often to blame yourself, even if your spouse's suicide wasn't your fault. You may wonder how you could have been so blind to the signs that the person closest to you was struggling with suicidal thoughts. This can really take a huge toll on your mental health.

Depression and Other Feelings

The National Center for Biotechnology Information notes that those who have lost a loved one to suicide are more likely to have significant depression, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and suicidal acts and thoughts.

As a person who has lost someone they loved to suicide, you have to deal with a lot of complicated feelings about how your loved one died. A downward spiral towards depression may arise from the feelings and emotions of:

Shock

As shocking as this news is, it may be difficult for you to accept at first. As you struggle to process the shock you've experienced, it's likely that you won't feel much of anything emotionally for a while.

Rejection

It's natural to question why your affection or connection couldn't have prevented the suicide.

Anger

One such reaction is wrath directed toward the deceased. You may feel guilty or ashamed that you ignored signs that a loved one was thinking about killing themselves.

Guilt

You may feel responsible for your spouse's death or find yourself obsessing over "what if" cases. It's not always easy to let go of the guilt you feel when you think you're to blame.

Despair

The emotions you experience during suicide grief may include sadness, isolation, and helplessness. The physical strain might cause you to collapse, and you could even start thinking about ending your own life, too.

Confusion

As you try to figure out what happened or look for a reason why your spouse killed themselves, you may feel confused. There are undoubtedly some mysteries that will never be solved. It's hard to deal with not knowing why someone would choose to commit suicide. Even if a note is left, it may not give us a clear answer or a sense of closure.

Getting Past Suicide: A Pathway to a New Life

You can never know how you'll react to the sudden death of your spouse if you don't try anything. You may find the following recommendations helpful as you attempt to cope with what has occurred and go on with your life:

Communicate Your Feelings

When you are able to talk about your loss with other people, you take the first step toward recovery. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts and emotions about your spouse's death, the grief you've experienced, and the unique ways in which you'll miss them.

Allow Yourself to Mourn and Grieve as You See Fit

It's okay to feel the way you do. Keep in mind that it is normal to experience a wide range of emotions following the suicide of a loved one and that these feelings may change as you go through the stages of grief. They (the love of your life) are no longer alive. This state of confusion is normal; you have, after all, lost a piece of yourself. You must now grieve, which is a painful but necessary process. Expressing your emotions and views aloud is a key part of the mourning process. It's also acrucial aspect of the recovery process.

Instead of focusing on how you "should" feel, pay attention to how you really feel. Healing takes time, and there is no one solution that is guaranteed to be the best way to cope with loss. Your reaction to a suicide depends on a lot of things, like the type of death, the number and severity of other losses you are going through or have gone through in the past, the strength of your social networks, and your cultural and religious beliefs.

Learn from the experiences of those who have suffered the loss of a spouse by suicide by listening to or reading about their experiences, but don't use them as a yardstick for your own experience. Take things one day at a time, and allow yourself as much or as little time as you need to grieve.

 Survivor Marcia Gelman Resnick wrote to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to say that there is no one "correct" way to grieve. Her son committed suicide more than two decades ago. After all that had happened, she stated that she just had to learn to handle things slowly. She advises someone who is grieving to do whatever comforts them and to avoid anything that would cause them to feel pressured.

Hold Onto Memories.

You could choose to do something in memory of your late spouse that is fitting in some way. Some helpful recommendations are:

● Take up gardening or tree planting.

● Participate in a charity run or a walk.

● Keep something that belonged to them

● Host a party at specific times of the year in their honor.

● Show your love by contributing to a cause they cared about.

● Donate to a charity in their memory

However, most people choose to remember their deceased loved one by creating a memory book. You can as well choose to do soby putting things that remind you of the person who died and pictures of them in a box or folder. It would be wonderful to add mementos, photographs, inspirational phrases, or anything else that you like if you decide to construct a memory book. You may choose to send a letter if you so choose; you could choose to add stuff like your sentiments and things you wish to convey there.

Some people choose to compose gratitude letters to serve as a memory. It's a gesture of kindness to a person who meant so much to you. If they helped you develop good qualities, the best way to honor them is to keep showing those qualities. The power of love, appreciation, and purpose may carry you through hardship.

Take Care of Yourself.

The stress and trauma you are going through right now can have devastating effects on your physical and mental well-being. The American Psychological Association recommends prioritizing sleep and eating well while grieving. Taking care of yourself physically can lift your spirits and give you the resilience to get through a difficult situation.

Eat well, exercise frequently, get plenty of sleep, and spend as much time as possible outside, preferably enjoying nature. Self-medicating with drugs or alcohol may seem appealing at the moment, but it won't help you deal with your grief and will really make things worse.

Ask for Help or Join a Support Group

Researchers have found that a big risk factor for depression is not having any social support after a sudden loss. In light of this, your best chance for recovery is to reach out for help, whether that's through friends, family, your church, or a professional counselor.

A support group might be a good place to meet others who are experiencing similar difficulties and talk about how you're feeling. The benefits of joining a support group could very well surprise you.

For example, Ryan Steen lived through the devastation of losing his brother Tyler to suicide. He thinks he spent too much time struggling alone before realizing there was a better way to handle the situation. "Following Tyler's passing, I made the error of withdrawing into myself and turning down the help that was offered to me by my close friends. It is helpful to have somebody to talk to, such as friends or a support group," he tells National Public Radio(NPR).

Consult a Counselor

After the death of a loved one by suicide, it may be difficult to deal with the emotions you're experiencing without professional help. When looking for a counselor, it is important to choose someone who has expertise working with those who are grieving following a suicide. The following are just a few ways a counselor can help you:

● assisting you in making sense of the loss and better comprehending any psychological issues the deceased could have;

● helping you in resolving any issues in your relationship with the deceased that may still be present;

● if you're going through PTSD, they'll help you manage it;

● supporting you in dealing with conflicting reactions and stigma from friends and family.

If you experience any of the following in the near aftermath, seeing a mental health expert can be helpful:

● an increase in depression;

● disorders associated with post-traumatic stress disorder, such as anxiety, panic attacks, and hallucinations;

● isolation (not wanting friends and relatives around you or tocomfort you);

● suicidal thoughts are constantly circling around your head, or you have plans to end your life as well;

● physical manifestations of a lack of inner strength to cope, such as excessive sleeping or sudden weight gain;

● the sudden adoption of destructive coping mechanisms, such as increased alcohol or drug use, in response to theloss;

● although a lot of time has passed since the suicide, you don't seem to be any closer to accepting your loss.

There are many different types of professional counseling that could be helpful for you, depending on the circumstances surrounding your situation. A mental health professional may be able to help you through the crisis or adjust to life after suicide with counseling for you or your family, as well as other types of therapeutic interventions.