What Happens when you marry for the wrong reasons?

That is what J-Lo said in an article I read today. She said early in her career, she never thought about fame or what that looked like until she filmed Selena. After filming Selena, she became famous and being alone in public made her anxious (due to so many fans)and she would have panic attacks often. She stated that a because of this, she was not been alone in public for 20 yers…now to the marriage part.

When she married Marc Anthony, well after some time, she had a very bad panic attack. It was during that attack that she realized Marc was not for her. Marc was a “bandaid on a wound” she stated. He protected her (or was the shield) from fans, but that did not cure her anxiety. She realized that she did not marry him for love, companionship, etc. The marriage was merely (what she thought) a cure to her anxiety….that never came.

How many times have we used relationships or things, to escape our trauma or past experiences? I am here to tell you that 1. You can’t escape it, no matter how hard you try, or how fast you run. 2. It is an unfair position to place your partner in because he/she is not a professional and to be honest- it is draining to try and “fix” someone. The roles in the marriage becomes different. 3. You end marrying someone based off the you that is struggling (internally) and not the healed you. They both may have 2 different types. Person A is looking for someone to fix their problems and Person B is looking for someone to grown with-make sense? They both may be looking for 2 different types of people.

Tips:

~Make sure you are healthy and whole before merging your life with someone else’.

~ Discuss your past trauma with your partner so they understand the full you.

~ Don’t expect your partner to be your healer. It is selfish and not their responsibility.

~Seek consistent therapy, to become the healthy, happy and whole U!