5 Ways to improve the intimacy in your relationship Today

People often think couples mainly come to marriage counseling due to infidelity. This is so far from the truth. Most of the couple i see struggle with intimacy. But what exactly is intimacy because I receive an array of responses from clients. You may fall into one or two categories. 

A. You define intimacy as sex (this it over 80% of the couples I see).

B. You define intimacy as connection, which is mostly emotional and mentally stimulating.

Here are a couple of truths. Intimacy can be either or both combined. Intimacy is the way we show love, through connection. Intimacy can be physical, mental or emotional and it shows up in every relationship we have. From the relationship with your spouse/partner, to the relationship with your child or parent. Intimacy is all about the feeling of connection. There are, actually, many types of intimacy, but for this article, I will only talk about connection, without the sex. 

1. Define intimacy. What does it mean for you? Take that and discuss it with your partner. Often times we do not know what to ask for because we simply do not know what we need. Can I also say that some of the things we are asking for is not the responsibility of our partner (that is another post)?

2. Spend more time loving yourself. You make that mean whatever it needs to, but the more time you spend learning, loving, caring for and exploring your body-you are able to communicate those needs to others. Also it improves your self confidence.

3. Create a specific time to connect each day. For many of my clients, it is the night time, after kids are down. Find your most optimal time, where you have enough energy to be available and give quality attention to relationship. 

4. Turn off the devices…goodness!!! Do I really need to go in-depth about why this is necessary?

5. Physical Touch. Do you know about the 8 second hug? The 8 second hug is not just about physical touch. Scientifically, hugging for an extended period of time, releases oxytocin (the feel good hormone) and lowers your stress levels. It also improves your mental health and increases your overall well-being. Go try it now.

A relationship cannot survive without intimacy, that is the truth. It is the way we connect, take up space and show how we feel towards the other. Without intimacy, you are truly neighbors living the same home. All of these tools are actionable and be utilized today. If you find yourself struggling with these tools, seek a couple’s therapist or intimacy coach. But don’t allow something as fixable as connection, be the reason you separate.