Growing up, there were no conversations about sex in my house. I did not learn about sex, femininity, body positivity until I was in my 20’s. The detriment there was the effect it had on my dating life and self confidence. I felt the other person had the upper hand due to my lack of education. I want to highlight a few reasons why it is so important to have conversations about sex early on.

1. You will learn about your own body so you are able to explain to your partners what pleases you and what doesn’t. Oftentimes, it is hard to communicate what pleases you when you don’t engage in self pleasure, exploration or simply don’t know what you like. So how can you verbally express to them, what to do more or less of?

2. You can try your best to avoid STD’s. One of the most important reasons to have the sex conversation is for self protection. Many people don’t look at their partner’s penis or vaginas early one because sex often happens in the dark right?? The concern in most moments is how it feels but not how it looks. Do you know what certain STD’s look like? Have you asked your partner if they have or had a sexually transmitted disease? Have you, and have you communicated that to your partner?

3. It increases the quality of your relationship. Being open to talking about sex (what that looks like for you, sexual history, etc.) creates a sense of trust and intimacy with your partner. Many couples struggle sexually due to one partner’s past sexual trauma (that they may have not disclosed or healed from). Being honest AND open about your sexual history and experiences, creates a sense of trust and comfort in your relationship.

4. Compatibility is important. When you discuss your sexual expectations, as well as other expectations, you can filter out who you are compatible with. For example, if you have a high sex drive and date a person that is asexual or does not need sex consistently, you may run into a problem. Be open, and not ashamed of what you require-because that is what works for you.