What Is a Codependent Relationship? 

A Codependent relationship is a dysfunctional union where one shows up as the “parent” or caretaker to the one who’s needy.

What causes it? 

There are many reasons why codependent relationships may happen. However, they are often rooted in early family relationships or. For example, the needer may have been spoiled or not taught healthy independence.  The caretaker in this relationship often was placed in a parental role early in childhood, so this role naturally fits for them. The caretaker usually isn’t taught by their patents to create healthy boundaries and they are often people pleasers. You may also find a history of substance use in codependent relationships.

What are some signs of a codependent relationship? 

Some examples may look like:

The need to always be around your partner. This could look like: cancelling plans with friends and family to stay near partner, or bringing your partner to every outing-even when they aren’t invited (i.e. girl’s night out).

The fear of Abandonment. This may show up as freaking out when you don’t hear from them after a short period of time, or fear of breaking up after an argument. This can cause insecurity as well.

The need for validation. And example is struggling to come to your own decisions and lack of self trust. Some codependent partners also struggle with self worth/love.

What are some ways to fix a codependent relationship? 

If you have a codependent partner, it’s okay to tell them they are smothering. Please do this in a healthy and loving way, as it may cone off as if you’re pushing your partner away. Also, your partner is also used to being the caretaker. Create moments to give them a break and display examples of partnership. For example, switch things up and cook dinner or ask them where they would like to go on a date night. 

In therapy sessions, I often work with my  codependent clients on learning how this behavior started. Also, creating healthy boundaries is one way to decrease codependency. An example could be balancing out who you spend time with. Also, find comfort in being alone. This may not be the easiest thing at first, and may create a sense of anxiety. If so, please consider therapy to assist with working through your codependency.