Stonewalling is refusing to communicate to the other partner or shutting down during a conversation. Some may consider stonewalling apart of gaslighting.

Stonewalling can look like:

• Your partner not communicating back verbally. Going Mute

• Walking away.

• Shuts down the conversation-often with no explanation.

• Pretending to be busy, but actually avoiding you.

Stonewalling is an unhealthy and can be a dysfunctional presence in your relationship.

When you feel that you’re being stonewalled, there are a few actions that may be helpful.

• Take a break from the conversation because the partner may feel overwhelmed.

• Don’t take it personal-just yet. Stonewalling is often not about the person being stonewalled, but the other partner’s struggle with hard conversations or feeling attacked. Here is where deeper relationship work may be needed.

• Get professional help. If this is becomes a consistent problem, it may hinder the growth of your relationship.

Reader, what if you are the one stonewalling your partner? Let’s highlight a few ways to get out of this:

• Let your partner know that your emotions are heavy and you need a break.

• Do a couple of rounds of deep breathing or grounding activities to calm down.

• Journal your emotions and give yourself space to reflect on your feelings.

• Therapy. Stonewalling can be a defensive tactic, learned behavior or even a passive aggressive way of communicating. Learning how to have uncomfortable conversations in a healthy way be near achieved by seeing a therapist.